Saturday, 27 August 2011

No proposals, please.

Last night, after the double bill of Bridezillas had finished on Really (yes, I was home on a Friday night watching trashy reality TV. I don't mind admitting it), I left the TV on and went back to internetting. A program called Dawn Porter: Extreme Wife came on and it was actually pretty interesting. She went into a Mormon town, and stayed in two polygamist households. Anyway, I digress.

I liked Dawn Porter's style - she seemed quite 'normal' for an investigative reporter, so I looked her up online, and came across her personal website. There were links to some of articles she's written so I read a couple. And found this one:
Guys, think twice before you pop the question.
As I read it I realised THIS IS ME. This is exactly how I feel.

Now, don't get me wrong, Dan and I are nowhere near getting married and he knows that. But I watch quite a lot of reality TV shows involving weddings (the aforementioned Bridezillas, as well as Don't Tell the Bride, and I used to watch Four Weddings back when we had Sky Living), and I'm worried that he'll take that to mean I'm hinting at wanting a proposal. I'm not. I just really enjoy laughing at other people mess up (or not, you know, that sometimes works I suppose) their own weddings.

And yet, I know that if he did propose, I would feel obligated to say yes, for the reasons that Dawn outlines in her article:
"... there wouldn't be enough reason to hurt him by saying no".

"Trying to explain to a guy who's just proposed to you that you're not ready to marry him could cause him to feel so insecure that the relationship doesn't stand a chance after that."
Whereas some couples seem to see engagement as the next stage in a relationship, a symbol that they will get around to getting married one day, I don't see engagement that way. I see it to mean that wedding planning must commence almost straight away, and that the wedding will take place in not much more than a year from the proposal. The only way I could justify waiting for more than, say, 14 months would be if I found the perfect location and it was fully booked until x amount of time away. So if I'm not mentally prepared for getting married when I was proposed to, my 'yes' would be a way of not ending the relationship, not a 'yes' because OMGILOVEYOULETSGETMARRIED (to put it eloquently).

Not to say that I don't love Dan, and that I don't see myself with him for the rest of our lives. But with so many people I know - both off and online - getting engaged recently, it's made me realise that I'm definitely NOT ready to get married, or even engaged. I love living with Dan, and I think we should be content as we are for a while longer.



  1. I agree with you on the engagement thing. I didn't want to get engaged until I was ready to start planning our wedding. In the end, we got married just about a year and a half after we got engaged.

  2. I reckon it will take me a good 2.5 years to plan the wedding I want, on the budget I refuse to go over. So he better ask me soon! ;)

    I think an engagement should be enjoyed, rather than sloshed with extensive wedding planning.. I don't mind long engagements, and enjoying that stage in life. It's exciting. To each their own. :)

  3. Definitely agree with you. Marriage is a big thing and it shouldn't be rushed into.

  4. I love all those wedding reality shows, although I didn't really become obsessed with them until after I got married (and I so agree that getting married shouldn't be a rushed thing)! I used to really love the show Four Weddings, and I still watch it occasionally but I get annoyed with it because it seems like the couple who spends the most money on their wedding usually wins the honeymoon! And sometimes to me the low key weddings are so much better.

  5. Ryan - I know that a short(ish) engagement isn't for everyone, but I think after a while I'd get impatient!

    Adamn and Brittany - Haha, I never noticed that about Four Weddings. Though I haven't seen many of the US ones, but I don't think the UK ones are like that as a rule. People here like low key more I think!


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