Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Not a forever settling down job.

I miss updating my blog almost every other day. Even though I've only been at this job two weeks, I feel as if it's dictating my life. I was supposed to have today and tomorrow as my days off, but I've got to go into work on both days - tonight because one of my colleagues has broken her finger so they're short staffed, and tomorrow morning because we have a team meeting. I'm supposed to have Friday and Sunday off, too, so now I'm worried I'm going to be asked to work on one or both of those days too. And I'm useless at lying (I never really thought about it, but Dan commented on it the other day and I realised I really am awful at it. I just can't pull it off at all) or coming up with excuses on the spot, so I know that if I'm asked I'll end up saying yes, no matter how much I don't want to.

I know this isn't a forever job. I know this is just a way to make money for the time being. I know I've only been working there for two weeks and once I settle in a bit more it might get better. But frankly, I'm a snob. I am. I'm a university graduate and working as a waitress isn't what I saw myself doing two months after I graduated with a 2:1 from a Top 10 UK University (so says the Times Higher Education Guide). My main problem there, though, is that I don't know what I saw myself doing.

If I knew what I wanted to do, I'd be doing it. Or at least, I'd like to think I'd be making steps towards doing it. The only thing that I know, that I feel, that I want to do is live in the States again. My 10 months in Colorado has tainted me forevermore. I'm 22 and I don't feel as if I'm in that 'settling down' place yet. I see people I know getting engaged, getting married, having babies and I realise how much I don't want that. Well, I do at some point. I just don't want it at the moment. And now that I'm in a full time job (in a weird sort of way. I did a little over 40 hours last week, so it qualifies. It just doesn't feel like a proper 'full time job' because it's not the standard 9 to 5 weekday job that I think of when I hear the phrase), living with a boyfriend who is also in a full time job, it makes me scared that I may never get the opportunity to go on the kind of adventures I dream about.

It's a kind of vicious circle, really. I need to work to get money to do what I want. But by working, I end up in a place that I'm not ready to be in. I guess a lot of saving is required.



  1. I know how you're feeling... I am 22 and work full-time 9-5 as a Business Manager and then on the weekends I work at Clinique as a make-up artist. But you can definitely make time for adventures and things you want to do. Plan ahead (that is what I do) and one by one start making plans on something you want to do. I live in Charlotte, NC and this year I have went to Myrtle Beach, SC, Charleston, SC, Nashville, TN, Columbia, SC, Cleveland, OH - I have been able to do my little adventures. Keep working hard and go ahead and start planning and saving for what you really want to do. You deserve fun and happiness - don't ever settle for less.

  2. hey hun. oh it'll be fine. just work for a few months and save to go on a trip again. it'll be fine. i've tried to stop worrying about things now as it makes me scared, nervous and a failure. all will work and just think ur lucky to be living by urself, or respective bf. so u have a lot more freedom than most. you dan gets a full summer off so why not save for then and take him the place uve loved during ur year abroad or something. also if u feel like a chat just call me. ill be happy to listen. plus im practically down worthing way now so meeting up is much easier if you fancy a hlaf way meet up xxx

  3. I know exactly how you feel. It's pretty much the same story with me, 22, got a 2.1 from a good uni, and stuck in job that school leavers are doing, and I'm sure it's pretty much the same story with a thousand other graduates. People may say "at least you've got a job, be happy", yes, but I've also got a degree, which is now seeming to be very useless! It SUCKS! I hope things pick up for you soon =] xx

  4. this sounds exactly like me a few months ago! I graduated from uni and worked in Boots for 6 months before I got out of retail, it was seriously soul-destroying, mind numbingly dull!
    I went to extreme lengths to get out of the rut tho, Found a job in oz! I figured it was the perfect way to combine adventure with kick starting a career, i think its worked tho full time work is definitely sucking the life out of me! hope you get something sorted!

  5. I feel like I wrote this. I graduated 4 months ago from a top Canadian university and I'm still unable to get a job. I'm even applying to retail and service industry jobs, too and still nothing. And I don't know what I want to do either.
    I know how you feel.


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