Friday 6 January 2012

New Year body hang ups.

(warning: quite a rambling post)

Come the start of every new year, the same kind of articles and messages keep popping up everywhere; Christmas is over, it's a new year, it's time to lose weight! Cool, groovy, go for it. It's a lovely idea. But all this stuff annoys me. Because honestly, I'd like to have put on some weight over Christmas. I don't need to lose weight, I need to put it on. I've always been slim (I prefer that term to 'thin', but who am I kidding? I'm thin. I'm skinny. There, I said it). Losing weight has never been an issue for me. Gaining weight, however? Issue. Yes, I know that most girls have the opposite problem. I know that. That's why there's so much written about losing weight, especially at this time of year. But it makes me a little sad. Because I know I have the kind of figure that a lot of the girls reading those articles about losing weight want to have. And I don't want it. Okay, that's a lie. I love that I can eat loads and barely put on weight. But I've got the figure of a stick. There are no discernible curves anywhere.

Over the summer I gained a fair amount of weight. I've no idea how much because I rarely weigh myself (not because of any weird psychological reason; I just don't particularly care), but it was a pretty visible difference. It came as a result of eating Dan's portions sizes for every meal and not doing very much (read: none) exercise. So I was pretty damn unhealthy. But for once in my life I actually had some vague semblance of curves. And I liked it.

But then I started a job that requires me to be on my feet, on the go, the whole time I'm there. It also means I eat more sporadically, and those two things equate to me losing weight. A lot of weight. Clothes that fit me perfectly three months ago are baggy on me (particularly trousers; I bought some size 8 work trousers, then 3 weeks later had to start wearing the trousers I last wore to school when I was 16). I've lost my bum. And damnit, I want it back! I would honestly rather be a size 10 (because, if I'm being honest, it would take a lot of eating and sitting still for me to be more than that!) with a little bit of 'flab', but with a good bum and some actual breasts, than a size 6 with, well, nothing.

The media portrays ideal women as having my overall figure, but with D cup breasts and a booty to match. It's something that's pretty damn tricky for the average woman to achieve (without the help of cosmetic surgery). I'm trying to love my body for what it is, for what I have, but it's hard. I have other body hang ups that I can deal with (the bump in my nose, for instance, means I despise photos of myself taken side on), but when I can't buy certain tops, certain dresses that I want to wear because they need hips and breasts to pull them off, it genuinely upsets me. It's all very well saying 'wear whatever you want', but when what I want to wear makes me look skinny and flat chested? I suddenly don't want to wear it any more.

I think what I'm trying to say is; anyone who dreams of being a size 6/8? It ain't all it's cracked up to be sometimes.

P.S. This is in no way an Emma pity party. I know I'm lucky to be naturally slim, don't worry! But if girls get to gripe about wanting to lose weight, I get to gripe about wanting to put on weight.

11 comments:

  1. Hmmm! I never really thought of it this way. I'm a size 10 with a D cup, and I have always thought of myself as pretty curvy, but never fat. I love who I am, but I have been told to lose weight before. I have wanted to have a smaller chest simply because buying shirts and bras can get complicated, and sometimes working out is painful (jumpingjacks!). I think that no mater where you are, you wish for something else. I think its kinda who we are, unfortunately.

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    1. Yes. I also am over-endowed, I think that's how you spell it.. I like it in some ways, but walking alot makes my back ache, and if I run I have to cradle my chest or I am in pain... I also have hips and buying pants that fit tiny legs but big butts is very difficult... I am very thankful for what I have, but most females have some type of issue with our figure, right? I have a problem with my belly. I think it's impossible to be a D-cup and skinny as a post but with a butt, skinny legs, and tiny feet, and a perfect face... it all seems kind of ridiculous for us to expect that doesn't it? Sorry for the ever-long post..

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  2. I hear you! While I'm one of the girls who is more intent on losing weight, I can completely commiserate on body issues. I hate calling them "Issues" because it has such a negative connotation - It's not as thought I hate my body or current shape, but would definitely be happy trimming down a bit.

    As Devon and I talk more seriously about getting married in the relatively near future I've started taking losing weight more seriously as well. While I would loooove to be "girl, eat a sandwich!" skinny - realistically a full size 8 is more likely in the cards - which is just fine.

    I think we all should think of the flip side of what other girls experience more often and we'd be less disappointed/critical of ourselves. I love that you say the same thing about certain tops and dresses that I do, only for the opposite reason. We're all in the same boat more or less when it comes to an "ideal" body shape/size - for better or worse I guess :)

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  3. I know what you mean, the dieting industry makes millions upon millions by taking advantage of our insecurities. And I guess dress sizes are more about what fits on your body better than what weight you are.
    But if you would like to put on some weight then we should swap. I'll give you a few of my curves and you can give me a bit of your flatness. Whilst I'm trying to loose a few, I'm not overly stressed about it.

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  4. Before I went on the pill I was a size 6/8 and I hated it, I had no bum or boobs and my jeans look ridiculous and baggy. Now I'm a nice size 8 and love how my jeans fit, I do look back and wish I was still skinny minny but I love my food/junk too much. I never used to moan becuase I was worried that people would tell me to consider myself lucky, I guess everyone moans whatever shape they are and the media def doesnt help this at all, you're either too skinny, too fat or have something wobbly! xxxxx

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  5. EMMA. Hi. for one...I'm ruthanne. Nice to meet ya. And secondly....I AGREE. I'm a size 4, 5'2", and I definitely have curves, but it ain't all it's cracked up to be. I don't put on weight that easily either, but it doesn't shed as fast as you...I did however lose 4 pounds over christmas and have yet to gain it back....oh. the woes of us. kidding...anyway. Totally loving your blog, following, and sending hugs! :) makes me want to blog about it too now. but i'm refraining cause you did a much better job then I would...

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  6. Emma! I hope youre ok, I've nominated you for the versatile bloggers award! http://lifeandtimesof-becca.blogspot.com/2012/01/versatile-blogger-award.html xxxx

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  7. I like my size for the most part, except for my stomach. I put on a few pounds last summer and it all seems restricted to that one area. Bleh! If I could just tone that into muscle, I'd be happy with life.

    I feel like most people have trouble being REALLY happy with their bodies.. bigger girls want to be skinny, skinny girls want curves. Just like straight haired girls want curls, etc. We always want what we don't have, even when we look fine the way we are. I wouldn't stress about it to much, but I hope you can get to the point where you want to be!

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    1. Yah. I'm happy with my figure too, but not my belly... I stand in front of the mirror, and I just think bad of myself... All girls have this problem it seems, unless you really are what's deemed perfect, but I guess even those girls want something else.

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  8. We are never happy with our bodies are we! It doesn't help that there seem to be two war camps in the media; either you are all for dieting and being super skinny, or you are all for 'real women have curves' (so offensive), but there is never just an acceptance for everyone. I mean even that photo from the Dove campaign you have doesn't depict EVERY body shape because they haven't got anyone who is naturally very skinny. And how are we supposed to be happy with ourselves if we have to pick a side?
    Bleh sorry done ranting :P
    P.S. Fantastic blog :)

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  9. :) You really spell it out for all of us... I have read your blog, comments, and I commented on a few. It seems that almost every female in the whole universe has some issue with their bodies, hair, or face... its funny in a way, even superstars and models feel insecure about themselves. Actually, we are all beautiful, and it's sad we don't know it. Every female knows every other female besides them is pretty, but when it comes to ourselves... we just bring ourselves down. I wish we could see ourselves the way the people who love us do, because then we would feel confident and beautiful.

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