No proposals, please.

Last night, after the double bill of Bridezillas had finished on Really (yes, I was home on a Friday night watching trashy reality TV. I don't mind admitting it), I left the TV on and went back to internetting. A program called Dawn Porter: Extreme Wife came on and it was actually pretty interesting. She went into a Mormon town, and stayed in two polygamist households. Anyway, I digress.

I liked Dawn Porter's style - she seemed quite 'normal' for an investigative reporter, so I looked her up online, and came across her personal website. There were links to some of articles she's written so I read a couple. And found this one:
Guys, think twice before you pop the question.
As I read it I realised THIS IS ME. This is exactly how I feel.

Now, don't get me wrong, Dan and I are nowhere near getting married and he knows that. But I watch quite a lot of reality TV shows involving weddings (the aforementioned Bridezillas, as well as Don't Tell the Bride, and I used to watch Four Weddings back when we had Sky Living), and I'm worried that he'll take that to mean I'm hinting at wanting a proposal. I'm not. I just really enjoy laughing at other people mess up (or not, you know, that sometimes works I suppose) their own weddings.

And yet, I know that if he did propose, I would feel obligated to say yes, for the reasons that Dawn outlines in her article:

"... there wouldn't be enough reason to hurt him by saying no".

"Trying to explain to a guy who's just proposed to you that you're not ready to marry him could cause him to feel so insecure that the relationship doesn't stand a chance after that."

Whereas some couples seem to see engagement as the next stage in a relationship, a symbol that they will get around to getting married one day, I don't see engagement that way. I see it to mean that wedding planning must commence almost straight away, and that the wedding will take place in not much more than a year from the proposal. The only way I could justify waiting for more than, say, 14 months would be if I found the perfect location and it was fully booked until x amount of time away. So if I'm not mentally prepared for getting married when I was proposed to, my 'yes' would be a way of not ending the relationship, not a 'yes' because OMGILOVEYOULETSGETMARRIED (to put it eloquently).

Not to say that I don't love Dan, and that I don't see myself with him for the rest of our lives. But with so many people I know - both off and online - getting engaged recently, it's made me realise that I'm definitely NOT ready to get married, or even engaged. I love living with Dan, and I think we should be content as we are for a while longer.